I was stunned and confused. The whole situation seemed like an evil dream. My plans for the future, my feelings of worthwhile accomplishment, and the work which had come to mean so much to me, were brought to an abrupt and cruel end.

During the flight across the Atlantic, I could do nothing but cry. I felt completely alone and found it impossible to accept the reality of the situation. I was met at La Guardia Field by two of our representatives and taken quickly to our headquarters in Washington. For two weeks in the Capital, I spoke with heads of our Personnel Department before I was told how the State Department had learned of my clinical record. I found out that the State Department had received their information from someone who had known me five years before and was now working in their Personnel Department. My own Organization had refused to act on hear-say. They had verified the fact that I had received treatment in the clinic. Since the State Department had threatened to inform Military Authorities in Germany my Organization had no other choice but to recall me.

I did everything I could to convince officials of my Organization of my dependability. The Staff Psychiatrist even vouched for me, but the Organization would not return me to foreign service, nor would they take issue with the State Department. They offered me a job in their local office, but I refused. Working with them in Washington would

one

mean only one thing to me, that I had failed.

I could not let my family and friends know this had happened. Somehow I had to work things out in my own way. Having no particular plan in mind I left for New York City.

I had never known another homosexual, although I had spotted a few during my years at the University. Now that I was persecuted for having such inclinations I felt a close identification with others like myself. I remembered that in my own city there had been places where homosexuals congregated. I combed the streets in New York and finally one night found such a place. That night I met and talked with a kind of people I had never known, who spoke to me in a language I had never heard. Since this experience a whole new world has opened for me and I have learned to adjust to it.

While my expulsion from Germany has brought about major changes in my life, I have managed to make it a happy one, yet this injustice will always rankle. I shudder to think how this experience might have completely destroyed me.

on

Miss E. M.

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